The Candyman

It’s safe to say at some point in everyone’s life; they hit a period or an event in which they realize things need to change. For some of us, there are several. At the ripe age of 20, I found myself living a less than a life of luxury. No real job, no future, and making a lot of poor choices. To most it’s reprehensible; to some it’s how it goes. While at this stage in my life, the life I was living let a lot of people down. While a majority of the cats I was running with at that time are still going strong, doing good things with their lives, some aren’t.
When you are young and dumb in the SWI, it’s more than easy to find yourself in “compromising” positions. What I’m about to share with you is one of many I faced, this one being the most innocent I could be.
At the end of the summer of 95, me and about four of my friends rented and moved into a lovely little house not far from main street Shenandoah. Of course lovely is the complete opposite term I mean to use. We lovingly referred to this house as the Crack house, for a variety of reasons. Originally a duplex, the simple act of leaving one door opened turned this realtors dream into a 5 bedroom pleasure palace, ready for sin. Needless to say, a lot of details in this story will be omitted, those around then will know just where and what to fill in at the appropriate spots. I am willingly protecting the innocent here, and before you judge, remember these were different times.
The Crack house was a well known house in the small community. We’d been known to have parties, brawls, and some minor property damage to neighbor’s yards from time to time. It was also apparently a great spot to keep an eye on the who’s who of Shenandoah’s “underworld”. There was some surveillance of the place, constantly it seemed. It stood to reason. I was one of I believe 5 that were living there at the time. We had only been there a short time, and the lifestyle was beginning to wear on some of my wiser roommates. We had a neighbor that lived nearby, that from time to time, crossed our path. This neighbor had quite the reputation, one of a man with a chemical problem, a temper, and a love for martial arts and weapons. We will here by refer to him has Danger. Now Danger had a young girlfriend, high school young. As a matter of fact, she was in the same grade as one of my roomies girlfriends, they were close. One day, Dangers lady friend paid her besty a visit while they were both in town, stopping at the crack house for a chat. Seems innocent enough, as truly, it was.
That night we had a small bash at the crack house, nothing to wild. About a dozen of us, doing what we did, enjoying the night. That night, I apparently did it well, and decided to call it a night fairly early, almost setting it up perfectly.
Keep in mind, not so far away Danger was on one hell of a bender, spun out of his head, soothing himself with shots of Jack Daniels. He was out on the town with one of my oldest friends, one we all lovingly refer to as Griz. Later, I’d find out that all night his behavior had disturbed Griz that night, but that did me no good.
I lay asleep in my bed, all tucked in grinning ear to ear. To this day, I can remember the dream as if it were a favorite movie. For some reason, I became very hungry in my sleep, so in said dream, I ordered a pizza. I can recall the pizza’s arrival and my joy due to this. As it became time to pay for the pizza, things went south in a hurry. For some reason, the mood changed. The pizza dude began to choke the shit out of me. Damn, did this seem real. Before having the sense to wake up, I remember repeatedly asking “Who are you?” Then with one answer, I woke up. “It’s Danger”.
As my eyes popped open, thanks to the light from the hallway I can recall seeing Danger’s bulging eyeballs as he sat on top of me, choking the living shit out of me. Naturally, I began to fight back. My panic allowed me to get the quick upper hand, only to eventually get me trapped between the bed and the wall, where I became the victim of a few stomps to the midsection from Danger. As I struggled to escape what appeared to be my grave, my bedroom light came on. Luckily Griz, and a lil scrapper we’ll refer to as RB came to my rescue. Griz quickly tackled Danger, as RB whisked me from the battle zone my room had become.
A little back story here, my room was right next to my dear friend Kraig’s, and there was only a doorway, minus the door, separating the rooms. As RB pulled me from the carnage, I can recall looking at Kraig. He looked like a damn illustration from a Goosebumps novel, eyes bugged out with his blanket all the way up to the bridge of his nose, almost covering his unibrow. I recall saying something along the lines of “Thanks buddy” on my way out. He was no help.
RB quickly got me downstairs, where the party was still going. Of course, I was the only one hanging out in my drawers at this time. Still completely freaked, I repeatedly asked everyone what the hell was going on, they were all as lost as me. They had no Idea Danger was even in the house. Then the carnage came rolling down the stairs. Danger had broken free from Griz’s grasp and made another charge at me. He grabbed me by the top of my hair, and began planting knees into my face. Instinctively, the shitty junior high wrestler in me awoke and I hit him with a single leg, right into the coffee table. At this point, the loveable and well time TV decided he’d seen enough, and grabbed Danger in a bear hug and threw him out with the rest of the trash. Needless to say, no one slept in that house that night.
A short time later, I found out that Danger was a jealous man, and since his gf had ventured over, out of the 6 inhabitants, well naturally it was me she was screwing around with. Not a week later, after another brawl, Danger showed up again, this time with a samurai sword, ready for war. I on the other hand wasn’t. It was only a matter of months at this point before I wisely decided to part with that home, although there were more adventures along the way. Needless to say, it took a good decade for me to sleep like a normal human being after that. For real.